The Mischievous Nerd's Guide to World Domination
Author: Stephen Oberauer

Chapter 42
Cosmetic surgery

In April, 2009, we celebrated my 31st birthday. While I don’t really care too much about what I look like, I was going bald rather quickly. At my party there were a lot of old age jokes being thrown around, which did make me wonder if Kirsty would have preferred it if I had done something about my balding.

That night as we got into bed I asked her.

‘It might be nice,’ she replied slowly, probably trying not to say anything that could hurt my feelings.

The next morning I took her down to the factory to see Einstein. ‘What do you think about hair implants?’ I asked Einstein.

‘In a few days I can probably invent some medicine that will cause your hair to regrow,’ he replied, ‘Also, if you want to look better, I can work on medicines to alter your entire appearance, including your skin colour, and while we’re on the topic of body altering, we’re busy inventing suits that can make you stronger or faster. We call them “energy transfer suits”.’

‘Stronger, or faster?’ I asked, wondering why it was one or the other and not both.

‘It transfers energy from various parts of your body to the place where that energy is needed. You push a button and all the energy is transferred to your legs, or you push another button and it’s transferred to your arms.’

‘Sounds like fun,’ I commented, ‘I suppose one would get very hot using all that energy while wearing a body suit.’

‘Do you still underestimate me?’ Einstein asked in a curious manner, and then explained, ‘The suit has thousands of tiny fans which use some of the energy to cool you down.’

‘So, how does it transfer the energy,’ I asked, hoping that I would be capable of understanding the reply.

‘It uses a system of minute pulleys and wheels,’ he replied. ‘The wheels spin when you move your arms and the system of pulleys and wheels cause wheels to spin around your legs. As soon as you start to move your legs, the wheels engage in a manner that will make them move faster.’

‘Okay,’ I replied, thinking I had understood what he was telling me, ‘So there’s hundreds of little wheels in the suit?’

‘Four million,’ he replied.

‘And when I press the button to switch it to strength mode, then it uses the wheels in the legs to power the arms, right?’ I asked.

‘That’s correct!’

‘How much faster would one be able to run?’ I asked.

‘About twice as fast as you can run now,’ he replied.

‘That is cool.’

I suddenly remembered a computer game in which the character had a similar suit and one could choose between strength, speed, invisibility and shield modes. ‘What about invisibility and shield modes,’ I asked sarcastically, but pretending to be serious.

‘Invisibility would require millions of cameras to transfer light from one side of the body to the other. It can be done, but won’t make one completely invisible. It will take about two years to develop the nanotechnology required for small enough cameras that won’t make the suit too heavy to wear. Making the suit into a shield will have a similar problem and will also require about two years.’

Einstein was completely serious, and I found myself staring at him with my mouth open. ‘Invisibility? You can do that?’ I asked.

‘Not completely, but invisible enough not to be spotted easily from far away,’ Einstein acknowledged.

Being invisible had been a fantasy of mine when I was a young boy. I have to admit that it was not something I’d have liked Kirsty to know about, because I would have used it to spy on girls. Nevertheless, many new ideas were popping into my head. If I were able to be invisible, anything would be possible.

‘There’s something else that we’re planning to work on,’ Einstein continued, ‘which could also be ready in about two years, and I think you’re going to like this too. They’re called “Respirocytes”. Ever heard of them?’


‘They will be a replacement for red blood cells. They will be able to store 236 times more oxygen.’

‘Two hundred and thirty-six times more?’ I repeated back in disbelief.

‘Yes, red blood cells are not very efficient,’ he explained.

‘And what will one be able to do with so much more oxygen in one’s blood,’ I asked.

‘You could sprint for about 15 minutes while holding your breath.’

‘That,’ I began to say, while thinking of myself in an energy transfer suit, sprinting at 50 kilometres an hour, jumping over anything in my way and not getting tired, ‘would be cool.’


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