The Mischievous Nerd's Guide to World Domination
Author: Stephen Oberauer

Chapter 41
The movie

I had a simple goal in mind, which was to make the best movie ever made, and since I had more advanced resources than anyone in the world, I believed that I could do it. We were sitting in the lounge in Raymond’s mansion, and discussing which our favourite movies were, and why they were so good. Kirsty’s favourite were the ‘Back to the Future’ movies, Raymond loved the ‘Lord of the Rings’ trilogy, Melissa was a big ‘Harry Potter’ fan, and I, for some reason, love robot movies like the ‘Terminator’ movies. All the movies had things in common. One obvious thing was the fantasy element. Another was the idea of two or three buddies going on an adventure. Based on my belief that there were not enough good movies set in space or on other planets, I brought up the idea of making a space movie.

Edison, a newly made smart robot, designed, as you may have guessed, to look like a young version of the inventor, Thomas Edison, was also with us. I had brought him to the meeting in order to consult with him. ‘Edison, find some screenplays on the internet which are about two or three friends going on an adventure in space,’ I requested.

‘Done,’ he replied immediately, ‘what would you like me to do with them?’

‘Summarize them and copy them over to the computer’s “C” drive in downloads backslash screenplays’.

237 summaries were instantly available on the computer, which was plugged into the 60 inch plasma television hanging on the lounge wall. ‘Are there any that you’d recommend?’ I asked Edison.

‘I’ll prefix the file names with a number and sort them in order of what I consider to be the best to the worst,’ he replied, and before he had completed his sentence, the files were already sorted.

‘Thank you,’ I told the robot, and opened up the first one’s summary:

‘“The Visit” is a story about three alien friends from a planet over a hundred light years away, who, being typical teenagers (the equivalent of about a hundred earth years old) decide to go for a joyride in one of their fathers’ space ships. The boys get lost through a wormhole and arrive near a strange planet called “Earth” which they decide to visit. This planet has some very strange customs which the friends have to get used to. The story is written from an alien perspective and shows how things which seem very normal to us are actually incredibly odd. The alien dialogue is in English, and the human dialogue is a muttering of nonsense, which is exactly how an alien would perceive it; that is, if it actually had the ability to hear.’

Looking around the room, everyone appeared intrigued by the summary. I printed out copies of the script for everyone to read and we spent the next few hours by ourselves enjoying a very well written story.

Having practically unlimited resources enables one to do anything just by phoning someone or a robot, but making a movie was something that I thought would be rather fun to get involved in. I hired a famous science fiction director, named James Cameron, to assist me in making the movie, so I suppose my role was mostly a co-director. My three friends would help wherever they wanted. We all had favourite actors and actresses that we wanted to use, and so we discussed who we thought good candidates would be for the human roles. Kirsty wanted to play the part of the lead human actress, but James didn’t like the idea of having a novice playing a leading character, so we eventually decided on Eliza Dushku as the lead actress. Kirsty acted in a smaller role, Raymond and I appeared in a single scene and Melissa was far too shy to go in front of the camera.

The aliens were robots. After much debate, we decided that the aliens would be about half the size of humans in order to make them cute, and make the humans a bit more intimidating. Raymond was initially trying to get us to agree to make the humans small, and the aliens large, because he wanted the humans to appear to be cute, but once a prototype alien had been built he changed his mind. The alien was very cute. It looked a bit like what you might get if you combined a kitten, a bear and a kangaroo.

Lots of decisions needed to be made and it was fun seeing our ideas coming to life. To make it a little bit more challenging and realistic, we decided to use as little CGI as we could. Everything, including props, stages, robots and costumes were being made in the factory. Some things were quite tricky to figure out how to do, for example, gravity on Earth was a lot less than the aliens’ home planet. This meant we had to film in a way that it would seem that the aliens were feeling very light, and enjoying bouncing around. At the same time, the aliens’ brains process information slower than ours, so we’d have to film the aliens moving at normal pace while the humans moved faster to put it into perspective for the viewer.

Once the alien world sets were built and lit they looked amazing, and it gave me the idea that it might be fun to build a theme park based around the movie. I had many cute robot aliens and sets, which I didn’t want to just pile into a box, never to be used again. I was eager to use them for something, but I had time to think about what that would be.


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