The Mischievous Nerd's Guide to World Domination
Author: Stephen Oberauer

Chapter 40

The news was the same every night, ‘Recession, recession, recession!’ Obviously, it didn’t affect us at all, but I did feel partly responsible for the computer games companies shutting down, so I went to visit Einstein to see if he had any bright ideas.

‘Recessions come and go,’ he told me, ‘but don’t worry. I will fix the problems that the planet faces one at a time. It will help to have a larger group of robots first, so you’ll have to be patient. I will let you help me though. I’ll give you some fun missions. By the way, I have a new toy I’ve been working on; I call it a pleasure box.’

‘Interesting,’ I replied, feeling a bit cautious after Einstein’s previous experiment. ‘How does it work?’

‘When you feel like putting a smile on your dial, just lie in the box.’

‘Is it addictive?’

‘Ha ha, I’m glad you asked,’ Einstein said smiling, ‘the amazing thing about the pleasure box is that it will make you so excited about your life, that you won’t want to waste your time in the box, well, for a couple of weeks, at least.’

‘Sounds cool,’ I said, smiling.

‘It’s a good cure for depression, too!’ Einstein continued, ‘When this hits the market, the world will be full of happy faces!’

The idea of something to cure depression sounded fantastic, but it would have to be tested. ‘Can I give it a go?’ I asked.

‘Absolutely’, he replied, ‘Follow me!’

Einstein led me to the new invention and showed me the box.

‘It looks like a coffin,’ I commented.

‘Yes, I thought that would be funny,’ he replied.

‘Ha ha, it is actually quite funny. You’re quite funny for a robot.’

I climbed inside and Einstein closed the lid. It must have been ventilated, because I could breathe easily. The bottom of the box was soft and warm. I felt very comfortable. My muscles started to relax and I felt as if I was sinking. My mouth started to taste like hot chocolate with marshmallows. I could not explain how it was happening. The next thing I knew was that I was smiling from ear to ear. It was as if my cheeks were tensing on their own and pulling my face into a smile. I felt like laughing, but still did not know why. And that, was just the beginning.

The box filled up with a warm liquid. I was not scared of drowning; I trusted Einstein. Not only did I trust Einstein, but I was beginning to feel too happy to care. The liquid was doing something to my skin; something nice, very nice. It was so nice that my smile changed into a big ‘Oh’ shape as I let out a gasp. Yes, I know I’m using the word ‘nice’ a lot, but there just is no other word to explain it. There is no word that I know of that can describe that feeling. It was even better than Angelina; That’s how nice it was!

‘I’m in a coffin. Maybe I’m in heaven,’ I thought to myself.

After about twenty minutes the liquid drained away, but the feeling remained. A warm wind started to blow to dry me off. When I was dry it seemed as if the box had been switched off. Nothing was happening, but I suddenly felt desperate to get out and jump up and down as I normally did when I was very excited. I couldn’t wait any longer and pushed the lid open. I jumped up and grabbed Einstein, giving him a big hug.

‘I love you!’ I shouted at the robot, ‘I love you!’

I ran to find Kirsty, Raymond and Melissa, and they all had a go.

My body felt as if it had been kicked into overdrive. I would have been happy giving enemas to elephants, if that was what I had to do next.

My next task was, however, nothing of the sort. My next mission was to make a movie. I gathered my three closest friends, Kirsty, Raymond and Melissa, and with the help of a pen and a writing pad, started jotting down ideas.


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