The Mischievous Nerd's Guide to World Domination
Author: Stephen Oberauer

Chapter 27
Some secrets are impossible to keep

I don’t think I slept at all that night. I couldn’t handle being unable to share John’s life with at least one of my real friends, so the next morning I gave Raymond a call.

‘Hey dude! What are you up to today?’ I asked.

‘Nothing?’ he replied in a questioning tone.

‘Awesome! I have something important to tell you. I will send my driver to pick you up in 15 minutes. Be ready, waiting outside your house at 9:30am, to experience the best adventure of your life.’

‘What driver?’ he asked.

‘Don’t worry about that. Just wait outside and see for yourself,’ I told him.

Fifteen minutes later I was driving the Lamborghini up to Raymond’s house. He had a look of complete astonishment when he saw my car and actually started jumping up and down in excitement when he realised that the Lamborghini was stopping at his house. I pushed the button to open the passenger door. He looked inside. ‘Nathan? Is that you?’ he asked, not being entirely sure because I was still in my John outfit, pretending to be my driver.

‘Yip,’ I responded, ‘Would you like to drive?’

‘Oh yes! Oh yes! Woohoo! Who’s car is this?’ he shouted, jumping up and down and then making his way to the driver’s side. Leaving the key in the ignition, I opened my door and climbed out. He climbed in and said ‘Aaaah.’ I got in the passenger side and closed the door.

‘So,’ he began, looking at me questioningly, ‘you look funny and have an awesome car! Explain, please!’

‘You cannot tell anyone,’ I began, ‘I am John Connor, the owner of Impossible Technology, and I’m trying to keep that a secret.’

Raymond stared at me with his mouth open. ‘Holy moly,’ he responded after a few seconds. He looked around the car and then said, ‘You’re joking, right?’

I pulled out my driver’s license, identification document and passport, and handed them to him. All of them showed ‘John Connor’.

‘This is so awesome,’ he said.

‘This is just the beginning,’ I replied, ‘We have an exciting day ahead of us. Let’s drive!’

Raymond took hold of the key with his right hand. ‘Holy moly,’ he said quietly to himself, and then turned the key. The engine growled. If it were possible, Raymond’s smile would have touched his ears. He revved a couple of times, and then drove off cautiously.

‘It’s okay,’ I told him. ‘You can floor it if you want to.’

The engine roared as I was sucked into the back of my seat. Three seconds later we were at the end of the road. ‘Whoa, that was quick!’ Raymond exclaimed, and started laughing.

I directed Raymond to John’s house. When we arrived he parked the car in the road. We entered the large black gates and made our way through the garden to the front door. We felt like two 7 year old boys, running around a house on Christmas day and finding presents in every room. It was so much more exciting with Raymond around, because his excitement was infectious. I don’t know if you’ve ever watched ‘Extreme Makeover, Home Edition’, when the people come back from their holidays and find a mansion where their old, small, rotting house used to be, and then they go to every single room and scream and cry; well, it was a bit like that. Sometimes in that program there’s a little surprise afterwards waiting in the new owners’ garage, and this was no different.

‘Are you keen for some drag racing?’ I asked him.

‘Oh yes!’

I took him to the garage and showed him my Ferrari. Raymond loved cars. He was nearly in tears when he climbed in. ‘So, which would you like to drive?’ I asked.

‘I will go with the Lamborghini,’ he responded casually.

We drove to Kilarney race course, which was about 25km away, and, looking very pleased with ourselves, parked the cars and headed for the race registration.

‘Want to race for pink slips?’ he asked, jokingly.

‘Ha ha, good one.’ I said, sarcastically.

We were both novices at racing, so neither of us had any advantage. We had 5 drag races, of which Raymond won 3, and then we headed back to Constantia.

When we arrived home I told Raymond about the girls that I had met the night before, and showed him the phone number that Alice had given me. ‘Shall we invite them around?’ I asked.

‘Definitely!’ Raymond replied.

I dialled the number. ‘Hi, this is Alice!’ the voice on the phone answered excitedly. Obviously she had been eagerly awaiting the call.

‘John here. My friend, Raymond, and I were wondering if you and Stacy would like to hang out for a bit at my house in Constantia?’

‘Yes, that sounds cool. Will you be able to fetch us?’ she asked.

I felt a bit tired of driving, so I said, ‘No, I don’t really feel like it, but I could send someone to fetch you.’

‘Oh, don’t worry, Stacy has a car, I just thought it would be nice to ride in the Lamborghini again. Shall we come through now?’

‘Yes, now’s good.’

‘What’s your address?’

‘147 Cannon street, Constantia. Do you have a map?’

‘Yes, Stacy’s quite organized. We’ll look it up and see you soon!’

I realized that I would have to be a bit more myself than John while Raymond was around. Being someone else is fine for superficial chats, but when someone who knows you really well is around, it gets difficult. I also realized that I was not sure what I was going to do with these girls. If they turned out to be good friends, would I be able to keep up the act? If I didn’t like them, but they just wanted to be friends for my money, then what would I do? They had already seen the Lamborghini, so it was too late to pretend not to be rich. It suddenly dawned on me that I had no idea what I was doing and I needed to be alone for a while to try and figure things out. I told Raymond to try out the computer gaming room while I go and see to something. I went into the bedroom, closed the door and lay down on the bed. It was not long before the girls had arrived and I still had not figured out what I was going to do.

We went outside to meet them. It felt strangely awkward, unlike the night before. We invited them inside and I offered them something to drink.

‘What do you have?’ Stacy asked.

‘Apple juice and orange juice,’ I replied, feeling a little insecure about my lack of exciting beverages.

‘Oh, no thanks,’ Stacy replied in a tone that made me even more insecure.

‘Is there anything you’d like to do?’ I asked.

They looked at each other and then around the kitchen. Alice shrugged her shoulders.

‘What do you normally do for fun?’ Raymond asked.

‘Listen to rave music,’ Stacy replied.

‘Anything else?’ Raymond asked.

‘Clubbing,’ Alice replied.

‘Would you like to play computer games?’ I asked.

The girls were not interested and looked at me as if I were being childish.

‘How about a movie?’ I asked. ‘I have a collection of DVD’s.’

‘What do you have?’ asked Stacy.

I showed them my collection and they chose the movie ‘Holy Man’, which we watched in my home movie theatre. ‘Holy Man’ happened to be a movie I liked very much and it always made me cry, so I had to try and keep myself from crying in front of them.

When the movie was over, Alice made it quite obvious that she was incredibly bored throughout the whole movie. ‘We need a smoke,’ Stacy announced, so we went outside to the balcony where the two of them lit up and puffed away. We finally started to have a conversation, but it was an unusual one. We chatted about drugs, and Alice seemed to have an encyclopaedia of knowledge about the various categories and subcategories of drugs. Before then I had no idea that there were more than about five kinds of drugs, and afterwards I knew about 20 and what each one’s effect was and where they could be bought. The awkwardness came back again and the girls decided to leave. It was a relief to have them go. We were far too different from them to get along. Raymond and I went back onto the balcony and enjoyed the sunset.

‘Girls!’ Raymond said, shaking his head.

‘So, what do you do for fun?’ I said jokingly to Raymond.

He put on a fake girl’s voice and said mockingly, ‘I listen to rave music.’

‘Ah, ... life’s good,’ I said to Raymond.

‘Oh yes,’ he replied.


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