The Mischievous Nerd's Guide to World Domination
Author: Stephen Oberauer

Chapter 24

After my brother had returned to England, I continued to work on my artificial intelligence project. I had to teach John how to program, so that I could try to get him to write the next generation of his kind. I got him to write small programs and then told him how he could improve them. Eventually he was able to evaluate the programs himself and tell himself how well he was doing. In March, 2003, he was ready to start writing artificial intelligence software. I gave him a few different ideas of ways in which he could create virtual intelligent beings that were smarter, more human and safer than himself.

After he had developed them we worked on building a virtual environment to test them in. Taking the idea from the bible, the environment was a garden with a forbidden fruit in it. I did it slightly differently to the bible though; I gave each of them a taste of the fruit, which made their happiness ratings sky rocket. I then told them that they were never allowed to eat from the tree again. I also did not give them anything else to eat, making them hungrier and hungrier. I added another virtual human to eat the fruit while they watched, and then to offer them the fruit. I created some more tests too, but I won’t bore you with all of the details. Some were to test their ability to learn, others their human characteristics, others their obedience and others were their morals.

After about a hundred different virtual humans were tested. I chose one and named him ‘Adam’. I then asked John to do exactly what he had done with Adam, except to tweak him slightly to make him more like a woman. Unsurprisingly, I named her ‘Eve’. Adam and Eve had some special characteristics which made them safe. They had been given a series of memories that could not be deleted. The memories were things that a very good person may have experienced and discovered. I designed them like that so that I wouldn’t have to train them to be good. They were born good. Additionally John had written an additional virtual human called ‘Conscience’. He was designed to have a very limited memory, so that he would forget everything every day. He would only run during the night. Adam and Eve would actually sleep while Conscience ran through their memories and made sure that there were no evil plans. Anything that he would consider bad was simply deleted.

I then made backups of John, Adam and Eve and switched John off. I wanted to keep him in the same state that he was in, because he had been very useful.

The first job that I used Adam for was to rewrite to appear to not have any real intelligence but still be able to work as well as it did. I didn’t want anyone to get hold of my artificial intelligence code.

By this time I had registered a corporation called ‘Impossible Technology’. I had tried for a year to get the corporation registered, but the silly company that registers corporations, decided that ‘Incredible Technology’ was too similar to a company called ‘Incredible Connection’, so I had to change the name and the whole process took forever. When the corporation was finally registered I had become the sole member of Impossible Technology Corporation (‘IT’ for short). The main reason for the corporation was to give the impression that IT was not just a person, but a large organization.

After doing that I found out that I was still required by law to put my name on corporate stationary, so I decided to change my name. I didn’t want people to find out that I owned the corporation, and so I had to invent an alter ego. My legal name is now ‘John Connor’, but my friends don’t know that. I named myself ‘John’ after my first virtual human, and gave myself the surname ‘Connor’, which ironically meant that I had the same name as the rebellious boy in Terminator 2 who’s job it was to save the world from the robots.

IT’s first business transaction was to sell for $7,000,000. The next day I started a new project.


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