The Mischievous Nerd's Guide to World Domination
Author: Stephen Oberauer

Chapter 18
My reply

Well, that was a bit depressing, wasn’t it? I tend to avoid watching the news so that I can stay in a good mood, but sometimes one needs to know what’s going on around one so that one can make a difference. In this case, however, the truth wasn’t even on the news. But don’t worry; the story will get better and maybe I can cheer you up a bit by telling you about my reply to Kirsty.

Writing to attractive girls brings out the perfectionist in me. I feel like I have to be incredibly witty in order to impress them, even though I know deep down inside that I’d probably be better off telling them about my feelings and having a heart to heart chat. Because of the urge to impress I found myself spending most of the day working on the perfect reply to Kirsty. After sending it I realised that it was far from perfect and spent the rest of the day thinking about what I should have written. Anyway, this is what I wrote:

Hi Kirsty Cooper!

Thank you for the delightful email about the ongoings in Zimbabwe. I had a dream once that I assassinated Bob McGabe once. I’m well, by the way, thank you for asking, how are you?

What are you up to these days? I’m “working” as a programmer at Bold Mutual in Cape Town. Are you still in South Africa, or have you joined the troops of frightened immigrants that are scared of silly things like being hijacked?

How I long for the days of my youth when I lived in ignorance of the world’s problems.

By the way, where did you get my email address from? I’m just curious.

’kay chow,

nAthAn B.

Reading it now, I feel very embarrassed. It’s quite nerdy, isn’t it. Well, it’s a good thing that I am a nerd. The next day she replied, and once again my heart jumped into my neck when I saw an email with her name on it:

Hi Nathan

It’s very nice to hear from you again. I’m well thanks. I’m actually working as a travel agent in London, so, yes I’ve joined the frightened migrants. I will be coming back for a holiday at Christmas time, so maybe I will see you then.

I don’t actually remember how I got your email address. It may have been from your website.

How’s your job going?



I was very excited to get the reply, especially to see the word ‘Love’ at the bottom of her email and to think about the possibility of seeing her in December.

I somehow managed to resist the urge to send a reply immediately. Oh, yes, I remember what I did; I actually wrote my next email straight away, and then set up the email to only send it the next day. I didn’t want to annoy her by spamming her with emails.

This was my reply:

Dear Kirsty

Thanks for the email. It would be good to see you in December. I’ll be looking forward to that.

You mentioned in your email that you may have gotten my email address from my website; well I haven’t updated it in about 4 years, so it’s probably a little childish. I’ve matured a bit lately. I no longer wear those ridiculous orange ear muffs. I’m even in a rock band. Yip, ... a little less of a nerd now.

My job’s going fine, thanks for asking. I actually don’t do much work here, because I tend to finish projects quite quickly. I really don’t know why they hired a full time programmer. Anyway, I keep myself busy writing some quite exciting software in my spare time at work.

Lots of love,


The next few days went by very slowly. It was torture waiting for her to reply, all the time thinking whether I should have written something else and wondering why she hadn’t written back yet. She did eventually get back to me, but we soon stopped writing to each other; well I stopped writing, because it was annoying me too much waiting for a response. I put a reminder in my calender at work to email her at the end of November to make plans to meet up in December.


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