Moods and Expressions
Author: njoy1

Chapter 18
To........ From........

           I never knew I could hurt

                                so much

           Never knew a despair

                                 so great.

           How can life have been

                                 so cruel?

           I wonder if it is worth

                                 it at all.

 

 

           You threw me down to the

                                 pit of despair.

           Made me hurt so, there’s too

                                 much pain.

           I can’t see for the darkness

                                 in front of me.

           No turning back for nothing

                                 is there.

 

 

           Darkness and its shadows

                                 engulf my mind.

           Leaving me to grope around in

                                 Nothingness.

           Fear echoes in the blind

                                 passage ways.

           Tearing madly at my

                                 shredded mind.

 

 

           I never knew life could be

                                 so harsh

           And I wonder at its

                                 Coldness.

           Could it be that it is not

                                 worthwhile?

           Could it be that I have not

                                 lived at all?

 

 

           I stare out into your empty

                                 nothingness;

           Being tossed and turned upon

                                 it’s shadow.

           Was it meant to hurt

                                 so much?

           Was the pain meant to be

                                 unbearable?

 

 

           I fear I can’t take           

                                 another turn.

           No more rocks can be

                                 hurled down.

           For with the next I will

                                 be gone.

           And I wonder if better sooner

                                 than later.

 

 

           How can this darkness be

                                 so black?

           How dare this pain rip at

                                 my soul?

           Will you leave me stranded on

                                 the edge?

           Leaving me to fall into

                                 utter despair?

 

 

           My soul has been completely

                                 Shredded.

           My mind has been torn

                                 Asunder.

           My body is completely

                                 numb

           Save for the tears that cannot    

                                 Stop.

 

 

           For all has fallen down

                                 for me.

           Further than a mortal    

                                 can reach.

           And if I turn to   

                                 follow it.

           My sorrow will be even greater

                                 than it is now.

 

 

           Sorrow has attacked me like

                                 a poison.

           Seeping rapidly over my furrowed

                                 brow and then

           down further to my ravished

                                 mind, slowly

           spreading over its tattered

                                 corners.

 

           I stand sweating and

                                 Purple,

           Trying to withstand your

                                 venom,

           But it entered to quietly and

                                 to quickly,

           Before anything counter could be

                                 injected.

 

           I feel so utterly   

                      Alone!

           Left to wallow in this

                                 despair.

           The furry of its fire has completely

                                 charred my soul.

           Leaving no even the slightest

                                 cinder to burn.

 

           I have been caught by a fierce and

                                 mighty wind,

           Which has torn at the closets

                                 of my mind,

           Causing even its shadows to

                                 shutter

           And the hidden to crash

                                 about.

 

           The pain that has been shut and

                                 barred,

           have been rudely torn off

                                 by its hinges

           And thrust out into the

                                 present,

           Only to be crudely abused with the

                                 rest of my mind.

 

           The hurt has grown

                                 sorely

           And now its blisters, now

                                 fester.

           Perhaps now even if there was

                                 sunlight

           the pain would be open to   

                                 view.

 

           My agony has been a heavy

                                 burden.

           My shoulders are stooped low beneath

                                 its weight.

           My arms droop gingerly at my

                                 sides.

           My head bowed as if in

                                 prayer.

 

           I try to raise my head slowly to the

                                 clouded sky,

           trying to see beyond its       

                                 blackness.

           But the rain rushes fiercely

                                 upon me,

           humbling me back to my bended

                                 position.

 

           The thunder crashes around my

                                 Head,

           trying to shake my crumbling

                                 foundation.

           Meanwhile the lightening spears me

                                 with its barbs,

           trying to burn my salt-teared

                                 soul.

 

           My charred and tattered heart has been

                                 speared out,

           where it has been left alone

                                 to wander.

           It is now more vulnerable to even

                                 more pain.

           Sorrow will be it’s only

                      companion

 

           Wont you take this darkness along

                                 with my soul?

           Leave me my mind so that I may

                                 live.

           Take this heavy burden from

                                 my shoulders!

           Let me know what it is like to

                                 live1

 

           Please I beg, let me live beyond

                                 my tears.

           Let me gaze around your

                                 shadows.

           Help me find a way out from

                                 this pit

           For I am completely darkened

                                 in despair.

 

           I cry form this dark pit of

                                 frustration.

           Groping around in the darkness

                                 of its soul.

           On my hands and knees I

                                 beg,

           free me from these chains of

                                 sorrow.

 

 

           But my soundless voices echoes. bouncing

                                 upon the walls.

           Down its barren passageways

                                 Wailing,

           my screaming is like a pointless

                                 whisper.

           It cannot be heard above the deadening

                                 silence.

 

           Oh, if you knew my sorrow was

                                 so deep,

           if you could hear my heart

                                 crying.

           Perhaps then would you

                                 listen?

           Or would you be another

                                 deaf ear?

 

           Are you so blinded by the

                                 nights?

           Can’t you hear my pitiful

                                 cries?

           Are you just going to stand there like

                                 a stone?

           Starring at nothing even though it is

                                 there?

 

           Oh, that you are where I

                                 Am,

           that you could taste my bitter

                                 sorrow

           and your mind could feel the deadening

                                 pain.

           Then perhaps would you bid

                                 my call?

 

 

           Would that you could be so much

                                 alone.

           That everywhere you turned was a jagged

                                 mountain.

           And that the pitfalls that lie

                                 in wait.

           Bring you to where I have always

                                 been.

 

           Could you then perhaps

                                 feel?

           Would you be able to give a little

                                 hope?

           But alas, I fear that may be to

                                 great,

           and that only the nothingness that I am

                                 can feel.

          

           Could it be that nothingness

                                 Is

           The only hope of what

                                 Is?

           Then perhaps the only answer

                                 Is,

           The promise of hope that nothingness

                                 Is.

 

           Ah, that what I am could now

                                 be

           but even now that is so

                                 alone.

           For even that painful sorrow has no

                                  companion,

           For nothing can be brought into

                                 nothingness.

 

           So here stands what I

                                 Was

           And here also stands what I now

                                 Am

           Either one looks the same to

                                 You.

           It will be the same with

                                 You

           When you stand here in nothingness

                                 To.

 

           Now we all look from

                      Nothingness,

           back into what we now see as

                      Nothingness!

           We finally all realize that there was

                      just Nothingness.

           FROM NOTHINGNESS TO NOTHINGNESS

                                 BRINGS

           THE REALIZATION OF WHAT IS CALLED

                                 LIFE!

 

 

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