JaneInside
Author: Jane U

Chapter 81
I can dance - pg 81

I can’t believe it, skip a couple of days, (ok – it was a week – maybe even two) and the next thing you know, the ex-boyfriend is going around with a petition.  He’s trying to overthrow the decision I made to have a band instead of a DJ for the senior school dance.  I don’t even know why he is still at school, he should have left years ago, moved on.  Instead, he is still here doing art, playing rugby and punishing me.  If he had a case (I am a prefect), he should have talked to me.

He has messed up the ticket sales and the date has been cancelled.  He is now telling everyone it’s ok – we could turn the junior dance into a school dance.  What a prick!  Who does he think he is, messing up our opportunity and now thinking he can just take over the junior dance?

It gets funnier – his friends are trying to calm me down, saying things like “it’s not personal”.  What a joke – I know him better than them!  This isn’t about a band or a DJ, this is about him and me.

What are you doing Mel?  Did your memory lapse?  Did you really forget who I was?  Or did you think that the pathetic girl you saw those weeks ago is who I am now?  You should have known better than to mess with me.  You are no match.  Our song is now “If you don’t know me by now” by Simply Red.

 
I convinced the dean and the principal it was not fair on the juniors for the seniors to share their date, as they would feel intimidated.  It was not hard, as I used the truth and I am pretty convincing when I want to be. 
I explained to the senior school that we messed up and they backed me.
I would have made a good lawyer.

Then there was the speech competition and I had to put the boot in.  I had to make it clear that I was back in a way that everybody would understand.  The speech was called “Number one comes first”.  You guessed it – the school loved it, and as I looked at your sad face I could feel that I am totally redeemed because I felt nothing but anger and pity.  I am no longer fat, ugly and the useless dancer that you made me feel - this you will start to see.


Mel came up to me today and asked how I was.  I told him I was great and that we should have broken up a long time ago.  He seemed surprised and hurt and said “really?” and I replied yes!  I wanted to say “No, I love you, I think I will always love you.”  But he had messed with my head one too many times.  It had to be over, I just couldn’t go back.  I didn’t trust him and now I understand that trust is what made our thing so special.  I didn’t want to be the fool any more.  I had played that part and it wasn’t much fun.  I can’t put myself through that again – it just hurts too much.
 
No, all I'm going to do now is cruise and have a little fun with my friends – be one of the girls.

He would have to be more convincing.  I am not sure what would do it?  What do I want from him?  Tears?  Him on his knees?  Part of me wants to see him hurt and then there is this other part, a quiet voice that doesn’t.  She just wants him to be happy.  I keep telling that quiet voice to shut up, she is soft, doesn’t have a clue and is the reason we are feeling so sad now.  Even if he was back to the Mel I knew, it wouldn’t change what he has done – and so it can never be the same.

I think I will just stay away from him.


Last night I went to the junior dance as a supervisor.  As I danced around the floor to Madonna the last few months played out in my head and I knew I had won.

I am sad that it ended this way, but I guess it was never going to end any other way.  I made the final call in our relationship, our years are at an end now.  This was our last dance together.
 

I can dance

Turn off
The light switch
Starry eyed
Smiles wide
The juniors skip inside
Nowhere for a senior to hide

Turn on
The record switch
I walk to the dance floor
Watching the door
Eyes cried
Smiles lied

My eyes close
My mind switch
Surrounded by boys
And girls
Starry eyed
Smiles wide
On heat
All upbeat

My eyes open
We switch
I am at the dance
He wanted
I am
Starry eyed
Smiles wide
Give myself a chance
And I can dance

Our eyes open
And closed
We were hitched
Starry eyed
Smiles wide
Then it died
Turned on
Turned off
 
 

 

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