The Unthinkable Has Occurred
Author: Brianna

Chapter 7
Leave Me Alone Already!

--Riley's POV--

I want to scream! Why did that evil woman put me with Barbie for the Spanish project? Now I have to spend more time than necessary with her! There has got to be a way to get out of this trap that Barbie has me caught up in.

I get on the bus and take my usual seat in the very back. Thank god that Barbie isn't on my bus; otherwise I just might have to kill myself. I put my book bag on the space next to me, so that no one sits there, and close my eyes. 

I must have dozed off because the next thing I know...

...I'm standing in a closet, sandwiched between mops and shelves full of cleaning solution. The door opens and Cara walks into the closet. She has her long hair loose and she's wearing a short white dress. She looks like an angel and I can't look away. She sashays up to me until she's two inches away. I can't breathe and my heart is beating a million beats per second. She leans in slowly--

All of a sudden, I'm not staring into Cara's liquid gold eyes, but into Barbie's ice blue ones. I jump backwards, crashing into the shelves. I feel liquids from the bottles raining down on my head. Barbie laughs hysterically, a maniacal laugh that sends shivers down my spine...

My eyes flash open and I jerk upwards. Barbie is sitting in the seat where my book bag was and she's holding an empty water bottle in her hand. Water drips into my eyes from my hair, and I realize that she poured the entire contents of the water bottle on my head. 

"What the fuck was that for?" I yell at her. Now I 'm going to be sopping wet until I get home.

"You were sleeping and I couldn't have that, now could I? No one sleeps in my presence, while I'm still awake," she says. "It's one of the basic laws of being Ashlee Valla's boyfriend. Haven't you ever read the rulebook?"

Excuse me?!? What the hell? This slut has a rulebook on how to be her boyfriend? What the hell is wrong with this girl?

"Nope, I've never read this rulebook you speak about," I say, carefully, trying my hardest not to lose my cool.

"Oh but that's Law Number 1: The boyfriend must read the rulebook," she recites. Barbie pulls a thick stack of papers out of her fancy schmancy four-thousand dollar designer bag. My eyes widen in horror, when I realize that huge stack of papers in her hand is THE RULEBOOK, which the cover so bluntly reads. Is she really going to make me read the whole thing? I didn't even want to be her boyfriend, and now I have to follow some insanely long code? If it weren't for the fact that she's blackmailing me, then this bitch would not be queen bee for much longer.

"Wait, what are you even doing here? This isn't your bus," I just realized that she was on the wrong bus. I glance out the window and see that we are not at the school anymore.

"Oh, I'm coming to your house. I mean, we should spend more time together, being as we are going out," Barbie says. Does she usually just invite herself places without asking first? And how on earth am I going to get rid of her?

"Uhm, I have somewhere to be at 4:00, so you'll have to leave by then," I lie, hoping that she'll believe me.

"But honey, what am I going to do until you get back? Oh, I have the perfect idea! I'll come with you! Yay! Now, I'm excited," she practically jumps up and down, like a little kid. And like a little kid, she is extremely annoying.

"Hey, I'm sorry but you can't come. It's a family thing," I tell her.

"Oh, that's okay. This will be the perfect opportunity to meet your parents! And Law Number 83 states that I am technically your family, being as I'm your girlfriend. So I can come!" she says. What the hell? Law Number 83? She's my family? Since when have girlfriends become official family?

"Okay, I'm sorry, but my parents specifically said that I can't bring anyone. I'm sure that at some point, they will be overjoyed," note the sarcasm "to meet you, but not tonight," I say. Hopefully this will work because I don't have any more ideas. I can't even just surrender and let her come, because there isn't really anything doing tonight! I made it all up to get her away, but it's turning out even worse!

"I see what you're doing! Well, if you really don't want me, then I'll have to do a little something. I'll send out a text to every person in the sophomore class, and when you come to school tomorrow, you will be the new laughing stock of our grade. Do you really want to lose your social status over one teeny tiny thing?" she says.

"Look, I'm sorry, but I really can't bring y--" I start, but I falter when she pulls her phone out of her jacket pocket warningly. I don't know what she would tell people, and I don't ever want to find out. I'll surrender in the only way I can.

"Okay, how about this? I'll stay home from this thing and we can spend more time together. How's that?" I try. If this doesn't work, nothing will, because I have absolutely nothing else to tell her.

"See I knew you'd come to your senses. I'm always right after all. That's Law Number 2: Ashlee Valla is always right," she says. "Oooh, I know what we should do! We should spend the afternoon reading the rulebook! Now is the perfect opportunity to have you learn it!"

Oh my god. Does this girl want to make me go completely CRAZY? Who wants to spend an entire afternoon with a girlfriend they don't even want to be their girlfriend, reading a rulebook that she wrote on how to be her boyfriend? Someone save me!!



I walk up the front steps of my house, Barbie following at my heels. I turn the key and push open the door. Before I can even step foot in my house, Barbie pushes past me.She looks around with narrowed eyes.

“Eh, your house is okay...Floors could be shinier, windows could be cleaner. You could throw away all this hideous trash,” she sniffs as she gestures towards my mom’s little knick-knacks. She picks up a ceramic angel, which happens to be one of my mom's favorites. 

“What is this supposed to be?” Barbie asks, looking disgusted. She holds it with two fingers, as if its the grossest thing in the world.

“It’s an angel. Can you please put it down?” I nearly beg. If it breaks, my mom won't be happy, and I'll be in trouble even though I really didn't do anything.

“Doesn’t look like one.” She flips it over in her hand, and I know whats going to happen next. I stretch forward and try to catch the angel before it hits the floor. I'm too late.

I look up at Barbie, and there is not a trace of apology on her face. Who am I kidding? Of course there isn’t.

“Don’t look at me like that! You did tell me to put it down.” She shrugs and walks out of the room. I look down at the remnants of the angel on the wood floor. Now I have to clean this up while Barbie goes around my house breaking more things. And what am I going to tell Mom? Whatever I say, she's still going to blame it on me. It was my fault for not stopping Barbie from picking it up, or something. Somehow, it's going to come back to me. Then she's going to pull one of her moods and...

I shake my head to clear it. I'll deal with the Mom issue later. Right now I have to figure how to get Barbie out of my house!



I shut off the vacuum and leave it in the kitchen. There's no point in putting it away if I'm just going to have to take it back out again later. Mom's going to find the teeniest speck of dirt on her precious floor and I'm going to have to vacuum the entire floor once again. Because I'm the youngest, I'm the one who does the cleaning. I feel like hired help sometimes. A guy who has to clean his entire house? That's why I try to keep my friends away from my family. Between Barbie and my family, my social status is in serious jeopardy. Speaking of...where did Barbie go?

I climb up my stairs and peek my head through every doorway I pass. Finally, I find her in my room on my unmade bed flipping through my CD collection.

"What took you so long? In my house, we have maids to do that!" Barbie says. As if it didn't suck enough that I clean, now she has to rub in the fact that she has maids?

I shrug. She shakes her head and pulls out the rulebook from her bag.

"Ready?" she asks me. She doesn't wait for an answer but opens the rulebook to the first page. "I'll read, you listen."

"Law Number 1: The boyfriend must read the rulebook.

Law Number 2: Ashlee Valla is always right.

Law Number 3: Never cheat on Ashlee Valla.

Law Number 4: Always tell Ashlee Valla that she's beautiful..."

Oh shit! I'm going to be here for a very long time.



"Law Number 83: Ashlee Valla is technically a member of boyfriend's family." Barbie continues.

I want to fall asleep but that would be violating Law Number 49: No one sleeps in Ashlee Valla's presence without either permission or Ashlee Valla being asleep herself. I glance at my watch. It's only been 20 minutes of reading the rulebook and I still have two and a half more hours to go before I can kick her out.

I want to ask her how many Laws there are but that's violating Law Number 31: No one interrupts Ashlee Valla when she's speaking. Someone kill me now please!

 

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