I'm OK, You're Not; A Journey in personal Discovery
Author: James Tippett

Chapter 1
Get Over It

   Chapter One - Get over it

 

   When stress rears its ugly head I normally ask myself, when I am composed enough to remember, “What’s the worst that could happen?” This normally calm’s me right down if the answer is not jail or death. If the answer is jail or death, your’s or someone else’s, fast forward to Chapter Six on transitions, then come back here to start your complete journey. Some of the “Get over it” life situations I am looking to examine include surprisingly common everyday realities; I encourage you to think about your own life experiences;

  Does someone in your life have an annoying little habit that bothers you? Why? Do you think the habit is rude? Does it remind you of someone else? How much does it affect you, is it a minor annoyance or more like the pounding of a drum? How big of a part is it in the whole relationship? Is it enough to end the relationship, what ever level that relationship is at?  You have three options, take one now. One, have a discussion with the person politely describing your annoyance. Two leave the relationship, or three get over it! This habit is part of them, their uniqueness. Why get so wrapped up in petty issues. Get over it!

  Does someone close to you disagree with a decision you made, making you doubt yourself? You had your reasons for making your decision, your brain processed perhaps millions of bits of information unique only to you, not available for any other persons review, and you made the right decision at the time for you, Get over it. If it indeed was an arguably negative decision, you may find that during the course of reading or listening to this book, the decision was actually made or influenced by someone else. You learned and added more information to your mental data base, as in, “Geessh! I won’t do that again.” You can’t change the decision you made, you can modify some elements going forward, but getting wrapped up in the past is like recycling used toilet paper, a futile waste of time. Get over it!       

   Someone cuts in front of you while driving. You just saw someone who is about to eventually crash or get a traffic ticket and have to spend countless hours in a courtroom. What are you going to do, ram them, run them off the road, rip them from the car and pummel them? No. So their anxiety and frustration, was just transferred to you. Your OK, they are not, and if you let it you will now be having a bad day. Get over it!  

   When taking a college class you might not get an A, you feel you have to work harder, you feel you have to work longer, etc; get over it, a year from now the A won’t be that much greater than a B. Get over it!

 

Has someone made last minute changes to evening plans that messed you up? When someone changes plans at the last minute, this is rarely a personal attack; everyone has unique priorities, realize also that your priorities may not always be in alignment with others. If some element of the plan is still on, go have fun, if the plans are cancelled, go have fun doing something else. Get over it! 

   Are your parents always working, neglecting you? Look around you, a roof over your head, food in your belly, cell phones, video games, other toys and luxuries. Get over it and make the time that they are with you as memorable and as much fun as you can. You may even want to help out a little around the house to give those that are trying to provide for you a little lighter load. This is a reality of our world, do not be a casualty. Get over it!

    Are you about to get, or recently divorced? For some reason, the two of you were not compatible. Both of you missed the signals when you married, and if you did catch it, one was too scared to just say no. Or perhaps you felt you were in love and life simply took you in a different direction, one closer to who you are. In true I’m OK, You’re Not fashion ask, Why did you get married in the first place?  Was it to satisfy someone else’s wishes or societies expectations?  A Planned wedding to augment family trees, was is to show off, was it for money, was it to have a trophy wife or husband?  Perhaps the vows where taken to secure a parent for your child, perhaps the noblest of reasons, but most foolhardy.  If this applies to you fast forward to Chapter Six – Transitions for more on this, and other gut wrenching topics. The key is you need to get over it, if there are children involved they need to get over it.

 

   Life is a journey, you choose the wrong mate; the good news is there are millions of people out there. However the truth is, you will never find your soul mate1 if you do not know your soul, do this by finishing this book before you continue the mate journey. Now just so everyone does not think I am a divorce advocate, I have been married 21 years. It has not always been a smooth road and questions abound on both sides. I have not always been the best of husbands, sometimes I have been a real schmuck. But hey, after 21 years, I get it; it is now; We are OK, They are Not. Yes, Get over it!

   I personally always get aggravated at people who use the handicapped spots that really are not handicapped, but then realize if they are that lazy, maybe they are just planning for the future. On the other side of the coin, if someone is that handicapped that they need a spot right in front of the store, how do they expect to get around that big store anyway?

Even if you are handicapped wouldn’t it be better if you ambulated from a further point in the parking lot, more exercise, unless of course it is snowing or icy, then in that case what the hell are you doing going out to the store? Swallow your pride and ask for some help, there are many shopping services, most free or very reasonably priced that can assist if you do not know anyone who can help.  

   Ever fail to get credit for some special effort or hard work? You know you did well and how great you did, that is the primary person you need to satisfy. If you go to bed at the end of day saying “I gave that my all!” then you have had a successful day.

 

No one needs to tell you that you have done a great job but rest assured that one day they or someone else will, and you will have redemption.

    Realize you have one of three options; One, do even better next time, two, find a new job with people who appreciate you, (whine), or three, get over it and move on in the knowledge that you gave it your all and chalk it up to character building.  Examine what happened and why. Someone was robbing you or they were too self absorbed to realize your contribution.

  You’re OK, they are not; you simply need to work that much harder to either prevent it from happening again, or find a situation better suited to your special traits. Get over it! For more on these topics see Chapters Nine and Ten.

   The main message here is that things are never as bad as we think they are and much of our worry is overrated and generated by outside influences.

  What will my friends think? What will my family think? What will my boss think? All valid questions, but they should not drive us to the point of paralysis, psychosis, ongoing bad feelings or even worse doing something stupid. We all use these sources somewhat to establish our morale compass2, but who is to say that our particular group of friends, family and bosses have the right morale compass for us? And that leads to the question, where do we get our morale compass?

 

 

   We all have recurring thoughts or themes in our lives. Realize that this is part of who you are. The people you hang out with, the intensity of your religious and various personal beliefs, the clothes you wear the pictures on your wall, your thoughts toward your fellow human beings, both those closest to you and strangers. Are you more trusting or suspicious? When the cashier gives you too much change, what do you do? All indicate the direction that our morale compass points. You can change direction if you think you are lost, but to change direction you need to fully understand what direction you are headed now, and more importantly, who is guiding you.

    Or do you prefer to gain your morale compass from the media, near by authority figures, or some domineering personality close to you? Well how about a long look in the mirror to ask what you think and feel is right and wrong, then go with that. Some use the Ten Commandments3 or other writings from their religion to guide them. I am a little religious, but even if I weren’t I think some sort of social commandments, are a good start.

    OK, I will admit that as I look out the window at the world around us and watch the evening news, maybe commandments are actually more like “Guidelines”, but we should give it a good try anyway. In an effort to remain non denominational in this work, I encourage you to try to develop your own Commandments, or if you are happy with the ones of your religion or group stick with those. Now from your list read them carefully and ask if that is what you believe. Are you following the personal commandments you have identified?

 

As you move down the list I am sure you can name at least one scenario where one or two may have been bent a little. Only you can answer where your gray areas are, but the deeper issue is why? The intent here is to ask you why you strayed from your beliefs, if you did. Chapter Seven has more about religion to help guide you.

 Now that I have you grappling with moralistic issues, Get over it! You know how to live your life, you know what you like, what you believe, what your morale and ethical limits are, it’s you, stop questioning it, much hypocrisy is born from blinded faith in others.

   How often have you heard someone say, “They have issues”!  Well Duh! One thing straight up, we ALL have issues. The goal is to recognize when someone has issues, and take them for what they are. The issue is normally not a personal attack against you. The issue may be something as simple as a bad day, and the person may simply need a little space, or a copy of this book.

   In the event it is you who have the issues it is OK to have feelings and fanatical reactions to the world around you, you are not crazy, and you have plenty of company. But it is always best to address them, not hide and bury them, you are OK! This is the only true way to get in touch with your issues, and I guarantee when you do you will find they are the result of someone else. No one else is worth more than you are, yet someone has left you in their emotional wake4. Shaken, maybe even shattered, you accepted their gift and your issue is the scar from the wrapper, just as we all have at one time or another.

 

  Whether we call them, issues or skeletons in closets, by realizing and confronting them, we are less likely to become the casualty, or cause of, someone else’s issues.  It also allows us to more quickly move on, or at least better manage them, and prevent the issues, whose ever they are, from destroying us and those around us. Get over it!

Record some of the things you would like or need to get over in your journal.

Get Over it Worksheet

   On the worksheet provided below, jot down the things that you feel you may need to get over, what you can do about it, if anything, and by what date you plan on doing this. Once you have gotten over it, place an X next to it. Make copies, rip this out of the book and stick this on your refrigerator as a constant reminder. I have provided some light hearted examples to aide in this process. If you are still a little uncomfortable with this, feel free to look at the questions from this chapter in the back of the book. If you find that this process yields little results, please read a few more chapters before taking any actions.

 

 

  GET OVER IT WORKSHEET (examples)

What bothers me?    

What can I do about it?

Action plan / deadline

I Got Over It!  (X)

My Job

 

 

1. Quit my job.

2. Get a new job.

 

3. Get my boss fired and take her / his job.

4. Start my own company

1. After I get a new job.

2. Resume / Job search by September 1st.

3. Plant incriminating evidence

4. Business plan by September 1st.

 

 

 

--------------X

World Hunger

1. Join the peace corps.

2. Organize a local food drive.

3. Go out to eat and contemplate the topic more.

1. Organize backpack.

2. Start calling people to bring me food.

 

3. Italian or French?

 

 

 

--------------X

People laugh at me cause I (am) ___________

1. Change my habits.

2. Hang around different people.

3. Laugh right back at them.

Remember you’re OK they are not!

 

 

 

XXXXXX

Politics

1. Vote

2. Help in the campaign of someone I like.

3. Run for office myself.

4. Start a grass roots effort.

5. Have another beer

1. Election day.

2. Find a politician you like, Start now.

3. Get money backers

4. Paint sign, stand in front of city hall.

5. Bud or Heineken?

 

 

 

 

 

 

--------------X

 

 

 

 

 

   GET OVER IT WORKSHEET

What bothers me?    

What can I do about it?

Action plan / deadline

I Got Over It!  (X)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I encourage you to work through this exercise. Also, as you move through the rest of this program you may discover additional things you need to get over, keep this worksheet handy and update it often. 

GET OVER IT! This is an important first step and will identify many of the psychological pressures you currently deal with allowing you to better handle them without freaking out. In the next chapter getting over it leads us to be able to “deal with it”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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