Almost Heavenly.
Author: B. Howard

Chapter 1

Ebony is not the person she once was. What one used to know of her, died the very moment she was involved in an accident. Her memories, her feelings, her personality, her interests, her qualities - they now remain in the past. Trauma to her head, along with many other major injuries, caused her body to slip into a coma, too weak to support the very life she clung to. She relived every memory she ever made in that time period, almost as if she were dreaming. Her body felt lighter than before and no thoughts were pouring into her mind, but, of course, she didn't think anything of it. Bitterness was on the tip of her tongue, sliding down her throat, as she remembered her father. They were never able to see eye to eye. He would rather abandon both her and her mother than boast about the woman she would become. Hatred caused her vision to flush with a solid red color, the rest of her sight blurring as it passed in an instant. 

Along came her mother, her heart dropping at the sight. She remembered what it was like to be held by her mother, tears welling up within her eyes, for that was the woman she would always aspire to be. The woman had a gentle soul, a caring heart, a peaceful mind, and the most soothing words to ever escape from someone's lips. She would read Ebony stories as a child, running her fingers through her long hair before sighing happily, love oozing out of every gaze that met with her daughters'. With the snap of her fingers, she was gone. Losing her was one of the first times Ebony had ever been broken, for all she had known was this woman. Of course, before her passing, her mother had moved on to another man. Though he was always accepting of Ebony, she couldn't say that she welcomed him at all. That is, until he also vanished from her life. She spent years pushing him away and building up walls that he couldn't even come close to bringing back down, even with the softest touch. 

There was a burning in her soul that wouldn't allow her to realize that he was nothing like her own father; she had to face that fact years afterwards. She clung to the first love interest that came along, their love sweeter than any candy to ever exist. She was a lost puppy - a shadow of who she could be without him. She depended on him more than she had ever depended on anyone before, allowing him to steal her innocence. It wasn't long after that, that he was also gone. She wasn't necessarily broken after that. In fact, she felt rage more than anything else, for he didn't seem to think she was deserving of closure. The next time she would hear from him was when he made a move upon her cousin, heating her to her very core. She hid herself away, swearing off anyone that had ever or would ever come into her life, as she realized that she was carrying his child. Little did she know, said child would dabble into drugs while getting involved with all the wrong people. 

Her stomach whirled the day she witnessed her daughter shooting up right before her eyes, light-headed enough to pass out, but emotional enough to burst into tears instead. She blamed only herself - she dug deep inside of herself and wondered where she went wrong. Should she have raised Katrina alone? Clearly, she didn't feel too capable of doing so after the heartache that she faced attempting to bring Katrina away from that lifestyle. She was all but spat upon by her daughter, wanting nothing more than to go back in time to where she was a little girl and loved her mother more than anything. The next man that Ebony would get involved with seemed perfect for her at first. Having secluded herself from love for years upon years, she wouldn't be the first to admit that she got attached much too fast. Honing the emptiness that life had caused her to carry, she was nothing more than a shell. Her humor was dull, her personality wasn't anything outstanding, and she didn't exactly showcase their love outside of the time they spent together. Before she knew it, he was caught cheating, instead turning the blame onto her. 

Her worst fear came true as he shattered her heart, bringing forth her insecurities and slandering each one. She wandered alone after that, slowly picking up the pieces as she caught a glimpse of hope in the distance. There was someone there, waiting patiently for her to be ready for him, helping pull her out of the rut she was once stuck in. Though she continued to doubt herself, what she didn't doubt was her love for him. Every day, she feared of losing him, of losing their connection, of losing the love they shared, and of losing her heart. It was this fear that caused her to overreact in certain scenarios or even pull back when he had done nothing wrong. What she learned from this, however, was that she still hadn't grown to her full potential. She wouldn't ever reach perfection, but she was not the person she was meant to be just yet. Her heart continued to ache and long for him afterwards as they now had a child together, a daily reminder of what she had messed up. Oh, but she loved that child more than she would ever love herself. 

She deemed the situation worth it in every way possible, holding no resentment for the lover. While she remembered the good and the bad in her life, what she focused more upon was the love she had and the memories she had created in life with some of her favorite (or those that were once her favorite) people. She did not regret anything, aside from losing who she believed to be her soulmate, but she knew they could not be together when she still had so much to work on. She was determined to do just that. Even if there was a possibility of not having him again, she at least wanted him to stay in her life and she would look back at all of her favorite times with him. Their first date when she ordered pizza, the moment they began to realize they were falling in love, learning about him, being with him - there wasn't a memory with him that didn't make her smile. She was satisfied living in a world that no longer existed for her, for it was much better than the reality she would face whenever she awoke. She delayed that outcome, however, by pushing herself closer and closer to the light; to what was no longer her life, until reality smacked her in the face. The heart monitor began to beep as her memory was wiped clean. All she could see was a body that supposedly belonged to her and wires, eyes darting back and forth as she struggled to get loose. 

When the nurses rushed in and had pushed her back from the sitting position she managed to get in, she couldn't help but to let out a bewildered cry. Who was she and why was this happening? What did she do and why couldn't she remember her own name? Why was she here and for how long? Even her body looked unrecognizable - she didn't care to look into a mirror, not like it would help. Once they had her calm from an unknown liquid that rushed through her IV, her eyes were as heavy as weights, but there was a peaceful expression resting upon her face. They checked her vitals and, while everything seemed to be normal (if not close to normal), wanted to keep her for a few days more. They would soon get ahold of everyone that was on her list of Emergency contacts, telling them about her current state and what room she was residing in. She was caught up in her own questioning thoughts that had begun to form in her mind, attempting to remember anything about herself or her life, only to fail every time. Would she be this way forever? 

At this rate, there was no telling. She slipped back into a comfortable rest, though it was disguised as a coma she would never come out of. She realized then that there was no turning back. Forever was not something she could share with her previous lover, for he was no longer in her life. The worst had already happened, slowly developing throughout her entire life. What was left for her to look forward to was death itself. She only hoped that her son would forgive her and that he knew she always loved him. Even as her life ended, her love for him would not. For if he ever felt alone or endured times where he needed her the most, she would always be tucked away inside of his heart, leaping at every opportunity to answer his call. She had been through too much emotional trauma to allow herself to fall for another, instead closing her fate by refusing to embrace reality again.

Her hand outstretched immediately as her mother was presented to her in a faint light, greeting her with one of those breathtaking smiles. Her eyes were as soft as a pillow filled with thousands of feathers. Their hands collided for the first time in several years as she lead her towards the afterlife. It would be there that she would spend the rest of her days. She had earned herself a set of wings due to her kind heart and constant empathy for others. What resulted in heartache, deep pain, and misery was now being rewarded with genuine happiness and a worry-free life. Had she chosen to love in this life, there was no doubt that she would genuinely be loved just as much; their love would be whole and everlasting. Betrayal and abandonment were banished here, relieving her of her darkest fears. A smile clung to her face as it radiated with new life. If she were ever called down to earth again, her memories would be wiped clean - she would be made anew.


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