Chapter Forty Five: Rain On Me
“Derek! I'm going for a walk!” Natalia called in to the basement. She needed a chance to stretch her legs, having been holed up for so long.
“Where are you going?” Derek yelled from below.
“I don't know...I'm going to walk.” She told him. Natalia didn't have an idea of where she would head too.
“Alright, just take an umbrella with you.” Derek yelled back.
“Why?” Natalia asked. It was perfectly sunny outside. “Rain and thunder are in today's forecast.” Derek answered.
“You've got to be kidding me.” Natalia muttered under her breath. “Bye!” She called out to him, completely ignoring the umbrella and her brother's warning.
It was hot outside. Natalia was glad she had worn a sundress with capris, otherwise the heat would be even more unbearable. There is no way it could rain on a day like this...Natalia thought to herself.
Natalia started to walk. She watched the cars pass her by. She was was headed to where ever her feet would take her. Natalia had no destination in mind, just the urge to get as far away from everything as possible. As she walked she hummed along to a song, the words clearly playing over and over in her head.
~So rain on me, With surprise of thunder, Rain on me, It's like I'm waiting in 100 degrees, So rain on me, I'll be standing under, So rain on me, Disguise my tears so that you'll never see...~
Once she realized what she was singing along to in her mind, Natalia stopped at once. No! I Don't want it to rain! She thought immediately.
It was a while before she reached the familiar grove of trees. The shade was a refreshing relief. The long walk in the sun had given Natalia a sheen of sweat on her skin. Natalia sat on the grass staring out to the lake, and wiped her forehead.
She had come here before. That time she hadn't been alone.
Natalia walked down to the lake. She sat on the sandy shore, dipping her feet in to water. The cool water was heavenly. Natalia watched the waves.
Picking up a few pebbles that were scattered around her, Natalia carefully threw them in to the water, making them skip several places before sinking. Each time, the pebbles sent ripples through the water, having a calming effect on Natalia. She picked up another, turning it over in her hand, feeling the smooth cold surface before shooting it through the water.
As she sat close to the water, she couldn't help but remember.
- Natalia was laying on the couch in the living room. Her head on a pillow which was in Derek's lap. They were watching 'Law and Order: SVU', when Natalia heard the lock on the front door turn.
“Hey Dallas!” Natalia called cheerfully, as she saw a blonde head enter the door frame, before she could see the rest of him.
“Hey!” He replied, now fully in view. “What are you guys up to?” Dallas asked as he put his things on the stairs, and headed over to the kitchen sink to wash his hands.
“Law and Order.” Derek replied. Natalia watched as Dallas came in to the living room and sat on the couch across from them.
“So how was practice?” Derek asked. “It was fine.” Dallas replied.
They all were quiet. The show had returned from commercials.
“Want to go out to eat?” Dallas asked Natalia. Natalia looked at him. “Yea, sure.” Natalia said, with a smile.
“So that's it...now that you're going out with my sister you're not even going to bother to ask me to come?” Derek asked, pretending to be offended.
“Well I would but I know you have other plans.” Dallas told him with a smirk.
“Excuses...you just don't want me to come.” Derek complained.
“Sure you can come...but I think you'll have to ditch Aimee...” Dallas told her brother.
“How did...Natalia!” Derek glared at her. “I thought that Dallas knew...since you went out with her before you told me!” Natalia defended herself.
“Okay...so how did you find out?” Derek rounded on Dallas.
“Well not only did Natalia tell me...but come on do you really think I'm that blind? You would come home all happy about work...almost skipping...very subtle! I mean since April you've been more than happy to work over time...hmm I wonder!” Dallas teased, he laughed at his friend.
Natalia heard her brother growl. She looked at him. He was red and furious with them and himself.
Natalia got up quickly, and crossed the room to where Dallas was. Taking his hand, she dragged him off the couch.
“Stop poking the lion, Dallas. Let's go before he bites.” She said, as they walked down the hall. -
Natalia smiled as she remembered that evening. As she sat by the waterside, it was as though the memories she had wanted to block out...were flooding her.
- Natalia stood outside Dallas's room door. She knocked on the door twice, before opening it a crack.
“Dallas? Are you awake?” She whispered.
“Yea. Come in.” She heard him say. Natalia smiled as she entered his room, closing the door behind her.
She walked to his bed, no sooner had she sat down, his arms were around her.
Natalia breathed a sigh of relief. His warm lips covered hers.
“I missed you.” He said to her, as he turned on the reading lamp. -
Natalia could still remember how she had felt when she had woken up the morning after Raine had broken up with her. Seeing Dallas along with herself sprawled on her bed. The disbelief that Dallas had stayed with her the whole night, followed by a rush of emotion that he had cared enough about her to have held her the entire time.
The quiet sounds of the water soothed Natalia. She felt comforted, knowing that it couldn't pass it's judgment on her. It would accept her no matter what. The waves of the water couldn't tell her how stupid she had been to let him go. Natalia was fine doing that much on her own.
She remembered how Dallas had thrown pebbles at her window in the night. Just so she would go to the fair with him.
Dallas had been so adamant about her not missing prom, he had created the event for her himself. Dallas had done everything she could have wished for and more.
“So why did I end it?” Natalia asked herself out loud.
Here by the lake, with only her thoughts; Natalia knew that Mollie had just been an excuse. Sure she had been a problem...but maybe there was something else...
Something that I want to avoid thinking about...Natalia thought.
Deep down, it had never made any sense that Dallas would like her. She was the exact opposite from the girls she had seen him go out with.
Why didn't I just let the whole thing with Mollie go? Natalia asked herself. Because...him being with me was too good to be true...I didn't want it to be true?
It seemed the longer she was on her own, the more she would question herself.
Natalia had tried to drown out the thoughts. She had tried to ignore the thoughts. She had even tried to escape, avoid, and not think about those thoughts.
It was like she couldn't run away from the thoughts and her feelings anymore.
Natalia drew circles in the wet sand. Each time a wave would come and destroy them.
She had been the one to destroy them. Natalia tried to rationalize it. I only did what would have eventually happened...she tried to explain to herself. What if he had left me for Mollie...the thought grated on her nerves. The thought was so ridiculous, even Natalia knew she was being stupid. Having been with Dallas for so long, deep down she knew that he wouldn't have done that to her. But what if...Natalia thought. There was no answer.
Still memories of what she had lost came. Natalia watched out over the lake.
- Natalia and Dallas lay on a blanket. He had taken her to the clearing again. This time it was after school. They could see the sky and the clouds, as they lay on their backs.
Dallas had been interrogating Natalia. It wasn't actually interrogating...it was more like twenty questions. Something she did to him almost daily.
“So why do you study so much?” Dallas asked her. The question had caught her by surprise.
“I guess so I could go to Western...but we both know I won't be going there this fall...” Natalia said a little bitterly. Although she was glad to be going to York...rejection had been hard to swallow.
“Really? Have you always killed yourself like this?” Dallas sounded as though he knew something.
“What have you been told?” Natalia asked, facing him with her eyes narrowed.
“I know you didn't study so much...you actually hung out with your friends...without being forced to!” Dallas said with a grin.
Natalia sighed. It was true...she hadn't always studied like a freak.
“So what happened?” Dallas asked.
Natalia looked away.
“I didn't get the grade nine technology award...I didn't even get an award or on the honor roll in grade nine.” She admitted. Her average had been below the eighty percent requirement for the honor roll. It had been seventy eight point nine.
“So that's not bad.” Dallas told her, pulling her closer to him.
“I was there for the awards night...helping out. Since they held it in grade ten...and Clara and Dawn had both gotten the music award...and Steven had gotten some math award...it was so embarrassing.” She told him.
“I felt like I disappointed my parents because if I had just worked a little harder I would have gotten an award...or at least gotten on the honor roll. So I decided to work hard.” She said, looking away.
“Are you happy?” The question completely threw her off.
“I don't know.” She told him, honestly. “Sometimes...but other times Clara and Dawn hate me for working hard...and now Western says no...so I guess I'm not always happy...” She told him.
“But now I have you...you make me happy...” She mumbled, looking at the buttons on his jacket.
“You'll always have me.” He told her, simply. He kissed her softly. -
Natalia thought she was going crazy. There were times when she could still feel his warm lips on hers...whenever she remembered him. She ran a hand through her hair.
“So this is what it feels like to have been in love...” Natalia muttered. The pain in her heart had been something she had never experienced in her life. The hole that had been created when she broke up with Dallas...had only grown since Dallas had left.
Natalia felt something fall on her cheek. She felt something wet. She was sure she hadn't been crying.
There it was again.
“Oh no...” Natalia groaned, as rain started to fall on her.
Natalia couldn't believe her rotten luck. Of all the days for Derek to be right...it had to be the day she chose to ignore his warnings.
The rain started to fall harder. Natalia moved away from the lake, and into the grove of trees. Even the leaves couldn't shade her from the hard rain drops that fell from the sky.
Natalia felt as though she was being punished for something.
“If this is for ignoring Derek's warning...then I'm sorry.” She called out in to the rain.
It seemed as though that wasn't the reason, for the rain fell even harder and faster now.
Natalia's clothes had been soaked through.
“If this is punishment for breaking up with Dallas...then I really am sorry!” Natalia yelled at the top of her lungs.
As though to answer, Natalia heard a far distant rumble of thunder. She moved away from the trees.
“I still love Dallas.” She shouted in the rain, by now her own tears mixed in with the rain drops that fell on her face. “Are you happy now?” Another roll of thunder sounded, as if answering her.
Natalia stood looking out to the lake, drenched in the pouring rain. At least now she knew something...she knew no matter what she still loved Dallas.
~So rain on me, With surprise of thunder, Rain on me, It's like I'm waiting in 100 degrees, So rain on me, I'll be standing under, So rain on me, Disguise my tears so that you'll never see, Let it rain, Let it rain let it rain on me, Let it rain let it rain on me, Let it rain, My tears like the rain will fall, And flow out to the sea...~
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