An Acting Heart
GenreLiterary Fiction / Short Stories
Age Rating:PG
Submitted:Tuesday, 23 March 2010
Star rating:
 
(5 ratings)
Read by:209 different readers
 

Betty Tucci is a normal eighth grader at the rundown Oakwood middle school. When an actor Tyler Diamond come to her school and asks her to be in a production of A Midsummer Nights Dream, she realizes that acting is her dream. But things do not always go smoothly in the profession of acting and Betty has to be ready to face the impossible.

 

List of chapters

Ch. 1 Betty
Ch. 2 Tyler Diamond
Ch. 3 A Midsummer Night Dream
Ch. 4 First Practice
Ch. 5 Changes

Comments

 
Gracey Austen-Poe Thursday, 13 January 2011
omigosh! poor betty!
 
Gracey Austen-Poe Wednesday, 3 November 2010
yay!
 
Annabel Monday, 7 June 2010
This is pretty good! A few grammar/spelling errors here and there but nothings perfect!:)
I really hope to see you continue this!
 
paul schoaff Sunday, 9 May 2010
For a fresh look, I went to the last chapter. Any proficient proofreader will help you fix the nagging bits of grammar problems.

Your story has a good message to share. One should not minimize the work that newly blind people must perform to begin to be self-sufficient in this modern world, but the fantasy of leaving one's hospital bed to still play one's 'part' should be inspiring to those who are facing this disability.

Now, you still need to get rid of lots of self references. If you work at it, you will easily take out unnecessary ones such as "I heard" and "I said". If you are going on to say what you heard or said, of course you heard it or said it and the reader doesn't have to be reminded. She took my hand and led me to the wings is preferable to She took my hand and I followed her to the wings.

This business of "I" is very important, believe it or not. Constant use of "I" impresses the reader only that there is ego at work, not necessarily an effort to tell a story for the benefit of the reader.

First drafts often include 'I' overmuch because the author is trying to line up her thoughts and actions into a coherent series and plot. As the mss is improved, description becomes far more important and the "I" fades away. Tell the story, show the reader what you are seeing, but don't say in any of the various forms, "I saw" or "I did".

This story is blocked out well, like a play, but now needs to be polished and rewritten to make it sound to the reader that it was written for her pleasure, not just as a 'diary' entry for "I".

Well started. Worthy of your effort to continue to improve it.
Liv Bronte Wednesday, 5 May 2010
paul schoaff- Thank you very much for your comment! I have made some changes and edits according to what you said and I was wondering if you would reread and rate my story. You also asked if I had a specific reason for writing this story. Well, it was originally just an English paper(that is why it is so short) that I decided to add chapters to. The idea came to me through a movie that I saw called "Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken." I also love to act myself. Thank you for taking the time to read my book and I hoped you enjoyed it!

Liv

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