Collar
by Daru
GenreFantasy / Young Adult
Age Rating:R15
Submitted:Thursday, November 05, 2009
Star rating:
 
(3 ratings)
Read by:34 different readers
 

Please note: this is an ongoing project for NaNoWriMo 09 and is expected to be between 50000 and 100000 words when it is finished, with a more precise, likely less accurate estimation of 60000 to 75000. In addition, as it is a work in progress, this synopsis is not entirely accurate.

~~~~~

Skey Rathen is one of the elite. Marked by a silver collar, she is respected and held apart wherever she goes.

Of course, she is also expected to find some run-of-the-mill kid to be her alpha. Right. Now, where was the bit saying "not a chance"? Ah. Right there. No, Skey Rathen has no desire to be dominated. She is, after all, a teenager. What teenager wants to give control over to someone else?

It turns out she has one avenue of escape, however, and she quickly turns to seize it with both hands. If she can find another Collar willing to 'trade' dominance, then they can take on equal stances. It satisfies the demands of their unique positions. There's just one little problem. Skey knows two other Collars. One is her father, and he already has an alpha. The other is uncollared and quickly going wildmad. Without the collar, he has no restraint and cannot be dominated in the manner necessary.

Such a conundrum. At least she doesn't have to worry about her final year of school; she's only there to socialize and, theoretically, find someone to take hold of her collar when she turns eighteen.

 

List of chapters

Ch. 1 Lupus intus canis tergum
Ch. 2 Argentum Catena
Ch. 3 Obvium carcer
Ch. 4 Comminitus Compedis
Ch. 5 Umbra de Luna
Ch. 6 Alius Devorticulum de Cognatio
Ch. 7 Liber ex Saxi Moene
Ch. 8 Niger ac Alba, Praelium vel Fuga
Ch. 9 Nova Asylum
Ch. 10 Somnus Iter
Ch. 11 Mortuus ac Incubo

Comments

 
Yazykova Saturday, February 06, 2010
Ok, one thing that tripped me up greatly is that she says out loud what she thinks, when you write from first-person it's useful to italicize or narrate thoughts without making dialogue (I really struggled with thoughts myself when i started writing)I REALLY like the idea of the collar, this story definitely has potential
Daru Monday, November 16, 2009
Thanks for your constructive critism ^^ I know that there will definitely be sections requiring modification or outright removal, but that can wait until after NaNoWriMo. And Conchvegas, there's more action in the later chapters ;)
 
Lollie Thursday, November 05, 2009
Your writing is impeccable. And if it isn't then I was pulled too deep into the story to notice. Skey has an attitude and is actually irritating me with her rudeness. But on the other hand, her none-caring quality is what makes her stand out in this story.

I agree with Conchvegas. It does get rather dull in the middle where they are playing the game. I actually skipped through that part because it dragged on and held very little interest for me.

With the collars, I would definately like to get to know more about that. It's intriguing.

Over all it was very enjoyable and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Keep up the good work!
 
Conchvegas Thursday, November 05, 2009
good start...I like your heroine, she has an attitude. It drags a little in middle, maybe a little too much time spent on introducing characters, setting. I guess I'm just used to action, but I certainly see promise in your story.

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