Endless Flames
GenreFantasy / Humour
Age Rating:R13
Submitted:Thursday, 29 October 2009
Star rating:
 
(13 ratings)
Read by:289 different readers
 

Blaze and her sisters, Marine and Roxane, plus her brother, Nero, were never normal. But when they meet Bakura, Ryu, and Riku, then everything changes. This is slightly romantic, slightly violent and slightly anime. Okay, a lot anime. I know I have a strange mind if I wrote this in my head. Please message me and comment if you think there are problems in my story. Or if you have ideas. Thanks!

I took chapter 4 out on purpose and moved it back.

*I have been writing this in my mind for a while now.*

**If you think I borrowed some characters, then read the prologue. It will explain the things.**

 

List of chapters

Ch. 0 Prolouge
Ch. 0 Name Translations
Ch. 0 Character Intro
Ch. 1 Uncomon Love
Ch. 2 How Do I Tell?
Ch. 3 What will we call ourselves?
Ch. 4 Attack in the Dead of Night
Ch. 5 Tragedy Stikes
Ch. 6 Changes
Ch. 7 A Dredful Event
Ch. 8 An Urgent Meeting
Ch. 9 Refusal
Ch. 10 Love and Lies
Ch. 11 Unrest
Ch. 12 Confusion
Ch. 13 Middle of the Book Note
Ch. 13 What?
Ch. 14 Stranded
Ch. 16 Word

Comments

Zurie~ Porcelain Doll Sunday, 19 December 2010
This wouldn't be a prologue. It's author notes. A prologue is something that happens in the story, but before the present day--like the past(A little confusing there, but I hope you get what I'm saying).
*britts-NAY* Friday, 9 July 2010
Okay, so, there was a few things I thought you could have improved:

In the first paragraph, "evilness" probably isn't the best word to use. I dont have any suggestions, but maybe you could look up synonyms of evil and find something that'll fit better.

The paragraph that began with the teacher getting defeated was kind of confusing. She was in the class room, then she left and is entering the changing room. Is the changing room right outside of the door, or something? I know thats a little nit picky, but I just thought to point out that you might want to add something in betweem there.

And also, I kind of had a problem with how there conversation went on. It seemed to lack action in between their replies. It seemed to just be a long list of what they were saying, and so there tones seemed flater then they had to be. Try to put in just a tad more dialogue to their coversations.

I do think your story is interesting, so thats a good thing, and I can tell your writting is going to enhance it (hopefully). I do think the chapter was a little short, but thats not that big of a deal.

I'll read some more when I get a chance. It might take a while, though, so I hope you dont mind waiting a little.
*britts-NAY* Friday, 9 July 2010
Oh no. I hope those arent important in the story, because they just come out as boxes on my computer :/
 
Danielle Evans Monday, 21 June 2010
Wow. This is really good so far! I hope you write more soon!!!
 
angelicmasona Saturday, 29 May 2010
I like how you used Japanesse names for the characters. Blaze's character is very eye catching. Good Start

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