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Help!by S. Wilson
| Genre | Fiction / Suspense |
| Age Rating: | PG |
| Submitted: | Saturday, 18 July 2009 |
| Star rating: | (7 ratings) |
| Read by: | 45 different readers |
Story about a boy and his friend who get rapped in a house by a killer... This was just an idea I had so i started writing!
Hope You Enjoy:
Scott
REMEMBER:
Rate & Comment!
List of chapters
| Ch. 1 | Trying To Remember |
| Ch. 2 | Break In |
| Ch. 3 | He might wake up! |
Comments
please keep writing!
wow i like it its good, but you should definitely work on the things that Tabitha Balogh suggested, if you work on that you will be GREAT! =D
this is good. you def. have to write more soon.
It's pretty good!
But there is some grammar faults that are available to correct. For instance at the beginning, instead of:
"When the man tried to kinapped me" it needs to be:
"When the man tried to Kidnap me. you don't need the "ped" on the end.
Also, maybe making the chapters a little bit longer wood be wise. I also suggest spacing the writing into paragraphs. Whenever someone speaks you begin a new line. For instance. Not like this:
"Hi how are you?" The girl asked. "I'm good thanks," I replied. "How old are you?" The girl asked again.
Instead, set it like this:
"Hi how are you?" The girl asked.
"I'm good thanks," I replied.
"How old are you?" The girl asked again.
See what I mean? Begin a new line when someone talks.
Other than those things, it was a great! story!
Ciao, ~Tabitha Balogh
But there is some grammar faults that are available to correct. For instance at the beginning, instead of:
"When the man tried to kinapped me" it needs to be:
"When the man tried to Kidnap me. you don't need the "ped" on the end.
Also, maybe making the chapters a little bit longer wood be wise. I also suggest spacing the writing into paragraphs. Whenever someone speaks you begin a new line. For instance. Not like this:
"Hi how are you?" The girl asked. "I'm good thanks," I replied. "How old are you?" The girl asked again.
Instead, set it like this:
"Hi how are you?" The girl asked.
"I'm good thanks," I replied.
"How old are you?" The girl asked again.
See what I mean? Begin a new line when someone talks.
Other than those things, it was a great! story!
Ciao, ~Tabitha Balogh
However, if you make them longer by adding more descriptions of atmosphere, the characters and their feelings, it can become to a great suspense novel.
A good subject indeed, anyway!!!
Keep writing! And if you have time to read my story too, I will be glad!
A.J.Y